i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
