Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
