Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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