I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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