I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
