made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
