If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just high enough for therapy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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