just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
