he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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