just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm too high and old for this...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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