Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
