Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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