I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
