I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
