my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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