apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
