you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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