You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I supernannyed him into submission
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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