Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
