Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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