Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
