he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My vagina is officially offended.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
