we made out on top of his cat.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
