last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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