I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
