i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
