Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
