i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
