the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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