Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
