We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
