you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have post one night stand depression
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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