I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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