So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
