Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
one might say we're banned from that church
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
