What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
