I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
