Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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