OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
