Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
