She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
