i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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