I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
