Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How's work?
Spinning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
