8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
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