If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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