You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
