school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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