I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
