I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
