I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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