i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
