I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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