I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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