I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm at about main and main street
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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