you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
