and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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